WASHINGTON, D.C.—Over 197.8 million white people failed to show up for a white nationalist demonstration that took place here on Sunday. According to the Wall Street Journal, fewer than 20 people actually gathered for the “Unite the Right” event held at Lafayette Square near the nation’s Capitol.
“I don’t understand it,” lamented the rally’s organizer, Jason Kessler. “We had incredible media coverage for weeks leading up to this event.” America has a white population of approximately 197,870,516, so approximately 197,870,496 were no-shows.
Visibly frustrated but undeterred, thousands of angry counterprotesters—including members of Antifa—waved obscenity-laced banners, screamed at police, threw eggs and water bottles, and even launched fireworks at law enforcement officers. The crowd also physically assaulted an NBC camera crew, while shouting “F*ck you, snitch-ass news bitch!”
One reporter for IJDT who covered the event from rural South Carolina, interviewed white patrons at a local breakfast diner to get their reaction as events unfolded in Washington.
“Oh, I suppose I just judge a fella on his character, not his skin color,” said Donald Tensch, a sorghum farmer, apparently paraphrasing Dr. Martin Luther King.
“Rally? There was a rally?” asked one confused soccer mom.
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